Raise your hand if you're exhausted! Now come get your free gift!!

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You regular peeps who humor me by visiting and reading my ramblings know that the last few years have been especially challenging for me.

Jake is in the midst of nursing school.  Which means that at any given time he can be found at school, at the hospital, or in the library (or any greasy 24-hour diner that will loan him a table for hours at a time).  Don't get me wrong.  I'm so proud of him.  He already has a business degree but felt he was being called to something more.  He truly has a servant's heart and will be the best nurse.  Ever.  Ever ever.  (And I'm totally not biased.)

Even though this is a truly noble venture on his part and I am 100% supportive, so much has happened since he's been in school and I've learned (or tried to learn) how to manage the day-to-day of these events on my own.  Things like...

We had a baby.

Baby Grace had hip dysplasia and I had to drive her to appointments at Shands (a few hours away).

Our son was diagnosed with autism.

I had to figure out and arrange schools (four schools in two and a half years), therapy needs, evaluations, IEPs, and deal with some crappy situations along the way.

My thyroid stopped working.  (Did you know that hypothyroidism can cause depression?)

My vitamin B-12 levels bottomed out to the point that my doctor was surprised I was able to walk.  (Did you know that vitamin B-12 deficiency can cause depression?)

My vitamin D levels bottomed out.  And, no, I can't just go sunbathe because then I get melanoma.  (Did you know that vitamin D deficiency can cause depression?)

Researching service dogs, filling out 30 page applications, making 15 minute videos, votingvotingvoting, celebrating, wondering, hearts breaking, exposing scandals, starting over, celebrating, still trying to find $3500 for travel expenses.

...So last summer?  There I was.  Exhausted.  Taking care of the kids.  Depressed.  Trying to work as much as possible.  Exhausted.  Learning about autism.  The house falling apart around me.  Exhausted.  Piling up medical bills.  Seeing my husband for a few hours every Saturday.  So very exhausted.

With all that going on, you would think I could have asked for help.  

Nope.  

Not a chance.  

I even found myself taking on MORE responsibility because I couldn't say no to people.

It's okay.  I've got this.  'Cause I'm supposed to be able to handle it.  I can do it all.  And perfectly.  Right?  That's what moms do.  Right?

LIES.  LIES.  LIES.

Does any part of that story sound familiar?  Have you ever found yourself struggling?  Are you always putting yourself last?  Do you ever feel like you're running out of oxygen?

Have you been hearing those lies whispered in your ear?  I have.  I still hear them.

But last week?  Last week, out of the blue, I got a gift in the form of some truth.  And the truth was finally louder than the whispers.

This precious reminder came in the form of an e-book called, Your Creed of Care: How to Dig for Treasure in People (Without Getting Buried Alive) written by Caroline McGraw at A Wish Come Clear.

Thank you, Caroline!!

This e-book is an easy-to-read, to-the-point, loving reminder for those of us who are caring for children or adults with various abilities.  I seriously felt like I was having coffee with a girlfriend who truly cared about me and if I was taking care of myself. 

Caroline lays out the most common pitfalls we find ourselves in, introduces practical tools we can use to avoid those pitfalls in the future, and then provides an opportunity for reflection.  This would be an excellent choice for a book club of special needs caregivers (parents and/or professionals) to go through together.  In fact, I just might be doing this soon.

Are you wondering where you can get your hands on a copy?

How about right here:  http://eepurl.com/dGYYY.

That's right.  Caroline is offering all of you a free copy of her e-book!!!  

No strings attached!

You do not have to follow my blog (although I would soooo LOVE that).  

You do not have to "like" Stinker Babies on Facebook (but if you wanna, it's right over there on the right-hand sidebar...soooo easy to do...hint hint).  

You do not even have to comment on this post (but it would be nice to show Caroline some support).

So click on that link up there and get your FREE COPY of Your Creed of Care: How to Dig for Treasure in People (Without Getting Buried Alive) and go visit A Wish Come Clear and show Caroline some love.

Oh hello, Ryan Gosling!

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I have finally gotten past my intimidation at the hilarity that is Sunday Stilwell's weekly "Hey Girl" series at Adventures in Extreme Parenthood and I'm jumping in!  A little bit early.  Just come back on Friday and it'll be right on time.  =)

There have been a couple of headlines from this week that have sent my blood pressure through the roof.  I wish I could simmer down and find words to work through my thoughts on these stories.  But every time I try, I end up mumbling with tears in my eyes and steam coming from my ears.

Just in case you've been on vacation in Antarctica lately, here are links to the headlines.  Then your blood pressure can skyrocket, too.  Aren't I thoughtful?

1. An article posted Monday night on the New York Post written by Dr. Allen Frances, a professor emeritus at Duke University, entitled, America's False Autism Epidemic.  He addresses reasons why autism prevalence isn't as big a deal as we crazed parents seem to think.  My favorite part?   "That unexpected jump has three obvious causes. Most important, the diagnosis has become closely linked with eligibility for special school services."  Because it's so easy to get school services.  Yep.  He figured us out, y'all.  The charade is over.  Wait.  What?  Your kids are still stimming?  But he figured it out!  I think someone forgot to tell my child.  Because when his daily schedule was off for standardized testing, he was so filled with anxiety that he ended up flipping a desk and throwing a couple of chairs.  I'm sure his therapists will be happy with their free time once they realize he just does that to spend time with them.
2. A heartbreaking and majorly disturbing video was posted to YouTube and has gone viral.  The father of a 10-year-old autistic boy was at a loss as to why his son was having certain reactions at school when he'd never shown signs of these behaviors before.  When the school wasn't particularly helpful in identifying the triggers, he did what he had to do.  He sent his son to school with a wire.  The recording he captured was disgusting and shocking.  I can't even think about what was said without tearing up.  There are parts of the video that make me want to walk to New Jersey just so I can hug this sweet boy.

So with all these headlines and emotions in mind, I made my very first Special Needs "Hey Girl" with Ryan Gosling.  Here goes nothin'!

Wanna see more??  Sure you do.  They're hilarious!  Come back on Friday and click that little button down there.  Laugh away.  =)

The Crazy Express

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That's how we roll.

Caleb has been setting world records on how fast he's learning to read.  As a book lover, I am absolutely thrilled about this.  But there's definitely a downside.

I'm not as slick as I think I am when I spell words that I want to be secret.  He can call my bluff if I say I'm "not sure" if a certain kids' show is on television at the moment.
And the biggest downside?

My child can Google.

As most of you know, part of autism can be having extreme interests, preoccupations, or obsessions.

Caleb's obsession is trains.

Not just in an "oh how cute he really likes Chuggington" way or even a "wow he really knows a lot about Thomas and Friends" way.  I'm talking about how he lines household objects up to make trains (overlooked that symptom), uses his arms to make them go in a coupling rod motion (yep...that one, too), tells you facts about certain types of engines ("Big Boys were the largest locomotives built in the 1940s."), or would be thrilled to watch hours of train documentaries.

I tried to hide YouTube on the iPad so he couldn't access it without me monitoring the "related videos."  But he found it.  And now he knows how to use the search box.  He'll type in "Polr Expres" and quickly find his new favorite videos.

These videos are The Polar Express 2.  They were created by a boy who goes by the screen name "Ramahfool."  Caleb.  LOVES.  Them.  As far as Caleb is concerned, Ramahfool is a genius and a hero right now.  These videos are the latest subcategory of his great obsession.  It didn't take long for him to memorize it and start scripting.

This morning?  (Saturday, I might add.)

7:00 AM.

We hear Caleb in the living room, shouting: "It's the crazy express!  ARGH ARGH I'm the Polar Express Boy!"

Over.
And over.
AND OVER.

Did I mention that it was 7:00 on a Saturday morning?

So.  Now whenever we load up the car?  Caleb announces, "Alllllll aboard!  All aboard the crazy express!!"

How true it is.  Ohhhhhh how true it is.

The Polar Express 2 (Part 1)

The Crazy Express is at 5:28.



The Polar Express 2 (Part 2)

Caleb was also making these sound effects and scripting the first line, "I need more money!!"  Again...Oh how true it is.

Moving Forward!

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I feel like today was a big step forward!  

I received an e-mail from Karen Shirk at 4 Paws for Ability saying we were officially assigned to a class!  (There was also another huge piece of good news in that particular e-mail but I'm not about to tell secrets...you'll have to go visit Mommy Rambles to find out!!  =)  ) 

But oh my goodness!  It feels so real now!  We have hooked up with the 4 Paws Family Network and have started meeting a few people who will be in our class this spring.  We've found out which hotel we'll be reserving.  We've started making plans!

I got on the computer and on my phone and added up what the trip will cost.  I looked at our vehicle and how many gallons of gas it will hold.  I looked at the miles per gallon we get in our minivan (depressing) and the current gas prices in the different cities we'd need to stop to fill up (even more depressing).  With today's gas prices and meals, the 1600-mile round trip drive is estimated to cost about $800.  When I think of driving 1600 miles with my kids, I start to twitch.  Despite a huge fear of airplanes, I find myself trying to make the finances work out better to fly.  But so far, it looks like we're driving.  It'll be an adventure...Right?  RIGHT?!

For the two weeks we're there, we're required to stay in a hotel within 15 minutes of the training facility. This is mainly because it's best to be as close as possible in case there are any issues that arise with the dog. Most families stay at the Homewood Suites. They give a discounted rate to 4 Paws Families. I'm not sure yet how much of a discount. We're estimating the hotel stay to be somewhere between $1500 - $2500 for the two weeks. The good thing about this particular hotel is that they offer complimentary breakfast and there is a little kitchenette to help offset some of the meal costs.

I've gone over it in my head a thousand times and I'm trying to come up with ideas on how to save money. With my husband in school full time, we haven't exactly been on too many vacations. We're averaging a weekend away every three years. So this is a big project for us to figure out.  We're planning a big garage sale to raise funds and you might see a sponsored post now and again.  Other ideas are always welcome!!

I admit that I can be a prideful person. It's not an easy thing for me to accept help or donations. But when I look at my son and see how hard he tries every single day and when I think about how much this dog is going to help him...I'd walk through fire to make it happen.

I'd even add a Chip In widget to my blog (up there in the top right corner).  

I am so humbled and blown away by the support we've already seen come in.  We're almost 10% to our goal already!

Please know that any contribution is so greatly appreciated. Especially if it includes your prayers and encouraging words during this journey.  We value those so much more than you realize!!

Thank you for walking this path with us.  We are so honored to have you along for the ride!

Our New Beginning to a Happy Ending

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I've been stalking the mailman.

Today was the day.

This came in the mail:

I don't know if you can see the return address.  It's from 4 Paws for Ability.  Some of you may remember that this is the organization that so generously stepped up to help a nearby family during the whole Pepsi Pup craziness.  We were so impressed by their willingness to help.  We began to research them and found 4 Paws to be an amazing organization with a very impressive track record for successful placements.  We decided 4 Paws would be at the top of our list of service dog organizations we'd like to work with.

We knew it would be some time before we were able to take that next step.  It costs a service dog organization about $22,000 to train one dog.  There is a required fundraising amount for each family that comes to about $13,000.  We knew we were not nearly in a place to take on a project like that.

I opened the envelope.

Are you ready to see the image that blew my mind?  Here it is:

COMPLETED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4 Paws for Ability has received some well-deserved media attention lately (CBS News Report, NY Times Magazine article, more media coverage can be found on this page).  This led to some generous donations.  Which led to 4 Paws having the funding available to complete our fundraising requirements.

We.  Are.  IN!

I can't even wrap my brain around what this will mean to us.  We will be able to go to the grocery store without the terrifying possibility of losing our child.  Caleb will have a helper on hand to help with meltdowns, transitions, and some of the repetitive behaviors (his are mostly vocal and visual with a few flaps and spins thrown in for good measure).

But most of all, Caleb will have that dog that he dreams of and asks for almost daily!

It wasn't that long ago that we couldn't even get him to pick up a pencil.
Just the idea of a dog motivated him to produce this drawing of our family
with Caleb walking his dog, Perry, who "helps kids be safe and make good choices." 

This is a total answer to prayer.  4 Paws for Ability had no requirement whatsoever to jump into this mess.  But jump they did.  With a life preserver.  While we would still very much appreciate an apology from Animals for Autism, Pepsi, and Global Giving...or even just an acknowledgement of what everyone else knows to be true...We are not holding our breath.  Meanwhile, they've lost their chance to make it right.  Our knight in shining armor has arrived.

4 Paws for Ability has saved the day.  Maybe even Caleb's life.  At the very least, they have changed it in what will be such amazing ways.  We will never be able to adequately put our gratitude into words.

When we mail our signed contract, 4 Paws will assign us to a class of dogs being trained for similar tasks (ours will be tracking, behavior disruption, and tethering).  It looks like we will be a proud member of the March 2013 graduating class.

A few months before graduation, the trainer will look closely at the hours of video footage we'll be sending and match Caleb with a few potential canine partners and begin training those dogs more specifically for Caleb's needs.  About two weeks before graduation, a final decision will be made and Caleb will receive a card in the mail from his dog.  I'm about to cry again just writing this.

For graduation, we'll make the 800-mile drive to Xenia, Ohio for a two-week class.  At the end of the two weeks, we'll be certified as handlers and we'll bring home a new member of our family!  We're so incredibly excited and grateful for this miracle in our lives.  So much so that I'm not even sweating that whole driving-1600-miles-round-trip-with-our-crazy-kiddos thing.  Or the approximately $3500 it will cost for gas, food, and two weeks in a hotel.  I'm totally doing my Scarlett O'Hara thang right now.

Google images

"I'll think about that tomorrow."

But don't be too surprised if you see a "Chip In" button somewhere on here in the near future!

Seriously, though, I just want to thank all of you who have followed this journey.  Your words of support and encouragement, your thoughts and your prayers have meant so much to all of us.  I do want to make it clear that there are still many families in this mess who have been left in a lurch.  One family in particular has decided to work with 4 Paws as well and 4 Paws is actively seeking funding to place their service dog.  So if you have an extra $13,000 lying around... We can help you out with that!!  =)

You know it's time for separate baths when...

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Because April is Autism Awareness Month, my MOPS group asked me and a fellow autism mom to share with the group during the "Mommy Moment."  Our assignment was to share some autism facts and a funny behavior story or two.

Hmm.  Which story to tell...  I thought it would be easy but I had a hard time deciding.

I thought maybe I could talk about Caleb's vocal stims that sound a lot like a sasquatch.  But then I'd have to admit in front of a large group that I had actually watched the show, Finding Bigfoot.  (You gotta watch it just once.  It's hilarious.)

Then I thought I could always share about the time he learned about the lungs.  But I tend to talk with my hands when I'm nervous.  Pantomiming a chest grab in church could possibly be deemed inappropriate.

Google Images

Jake was giving the kids a bath and I was pondering what to do.  I was feeling very frustrated with my writer's (speaker's?) block when I suddenly heard Grace sputtering and coughing in between furious screams.  I used my ninja skillz and made it down the hall in a single bound.  Grace was red-faced and screaming her curly little head off.  Her ponytail was soaking wet.

"What happened in here???  Are you okay???  Caleb, what happened?"

[Side note: Caleb can hear a story once and six months later remember/recite/act out every word.  One night last week, our nightly bible story was about the baptism of Jesus.  End side note.]

Caleb stared a hole in the corner of the ceiling and stated, "Ummmmm, Mom?  I think I need to tell you thaaaaat I, ummmm, baptized Grace."

The following discussion included all kinds of fun statements like: "We don't baptize our friends" and "It doesn't really count unless the person wants to be baptized" and "Usually someone would go to seminary before they baptize their friends."

So I got my story for MOPS.

And tonight's bath?  No more baptisms!

Although I did hear "Naaman" in there...Dunking himself in the Jordan River seven times to heal his leprosy.

Time to get the mop.

Ninja Skillz

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It's been a long, long, long, long week  month  year.  Tuesday night was especially trying because I lost my mind enough to try a Chick-Fil-A "Family Night."  With both kids.  On my own.  (Is it Jake's summer break yet?  Sigh.)

Have you ever been in the play area in the middle of a Chick-Fil-A family night?  Guess who you won't be seeing there?  Ever?  That's right.  This girl right here.  Unless, of course, they're serving up those free kids meals with a side of Valium and a shot of Grey Goose for mom.

So that night, after I finally got the kids in bed, I sat on the couch and held my breath.  I didn't want to do anything to wake them up.  I knew if I so much as twitched, they'd wake up and start again.  It wasn't too long before I needed to walk down the hallway.  Halfway to my room, I realized that if anyone happened to see me, I'd be getting a scholarship to Ninja School.  Each step took about 3 minutes and I was all over the hallway, avoiding those squeaky spots.

And that's when it hit me.  Moms are total ninjas.  Need more proof?  Read on.

Stealth Mode
If the opportunity for a glass of wine and silence is in your near future, the chances of your child waking up are dramatically increased.  So, as I described above, moms are capable of going silent.  We have the skills necessary to move quickly around the house, wash dishes, even microwave popcorn without making a sound.

Endurance
If you need any evidence that moms have more endurance than is humanly possible, just take a peek inside one of their calendars or planners.  Any given day might look like this: Up at 5 am, shower, iron clothes, make lunches, backpacks ready, get kids up and dressed and fed and into the van for a tour of schools, off to meetings, grocery stores, jobs, cleaning, tour of schools, speech therapy, occupational therapy, snacks, more meetings, homework, dinner, dishes, baths, kids to bed, stealth mode, repeat.  In the snow.  Uphill both ways.

Speed
Moms are fast.  I could just leave it at that and no one would question it.  You know we're fast.  It doesn't matter what size we are, we can book it when we need to.  A mom can hear a whimper from her child, immediately process the sound, determine if action is necessary and at what speed it should be delivered.  She can be across a football field in a single bound.  Sometimes, the only speed required is for a chocolate fix.  How many of you have eaten something delicious that you didn't want to share with your kids?  And you didn't want to wait 9 hours for them to be in bed?  You just use your stealth mode to move into the kitchen and unwrap said treat and you're able to inhale it quicker than that skinny hot dog eating champ.  Or so I've heard (looking away and whistling).

Unagi
According to Ross Geller, unagi is a "state of total awareness" and it's "not something you are, it's something you have."  Moms have unagi.  Let's say I'm in the living room folding clothes (don't laugh...it happens...sometimes), and suddenly I just know it.  They're up to something.  Maybe it's the eerie silence that comes with freshly painted walls and a new box of markers.  Or with newly potty trained kid and a fresh roll of toilet paper.  Or the unattended liter of water you got with the intentions of being healthier.  Some people call it a sixth sense.  Some people call it UNAGI.

Wisdom
Moms have been sharing tidbits of wisdom throughout the ages.  We all have our favorites.  Be careful or your face might freeze that way.  Don't sit too close to the TV or it'll ruin your eyes.  Because I said so.  My personal favorite absolutely made me crazy when I was a teenager but I totally plan to pass it down to my kids.  In the words of my fabulous mom, "Disappointment builds character."  If I didn't get the role I wanted in the school play.  If I didn't make the cheerleading squad.  If I had to ride the bus.  If my boyfriend broke up with me.  "Disappointment builds character."  Please don't tell my 17-year-old self this, but...Mom was right.  Eventually, you may get the role, you could make cheerleading, you might find Mr. Right.  But you're a better person for the trials and learning experiences you've been through.

So tonight, I'd like to propose a toast to all the ninjas out there.  Go into stealth mode, pour a glass of wine, and raise it high.  Take a deep breath.  You made it through another day!  You got mad ninja skillz.